Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
