you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
