so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
