this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
