A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
