She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
