My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
