Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
