To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
