totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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