if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
