hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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