hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
