A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
