Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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