Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
