i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
