I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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