Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
