Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
