um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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