her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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