I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I could make wine with my vomit
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
