Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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