Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
