My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
