Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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