Tell her she can't have a vagina
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
