I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
