My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
