So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
