new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
