My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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