Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
PANTIES FOUND
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