saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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