just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
smell my finger.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
