When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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