This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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