Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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