I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
