Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
