Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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