Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
