I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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