i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
