I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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