Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
