He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
