sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
