My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
