After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize