i just wanna soil my oats bro
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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