Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
