How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
