Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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