It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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