you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
