I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
