I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
