O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
