it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
