I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
