Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
