im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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