I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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