He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
